hang in there.

I woke up today way before the sun did. So far the highlight to my day has been the fact that the garbage can lids have magnets on them so they stayed propped up. And a lot of days, little things like that are the best part. It can be tough, and life has been knocking the breath out of me.

We're all fighting and running races to hang in there. I just wanted you to know, I think you are wonderful for getting up today and kicking whatever you are kicking in the face. You really, truly, are wonderful. Spread some love today. 

I never look back darling. It distracts from the now. - Edna Mode

Do you ever see old photos of yourself and think, who is that person? Or hear your voice recorded and feel shocked at what you actually sounded like? There are times I look unrecognizable to myself.

I love that we are always constantly evolving and changing, sometimes for the good and sometimes for the not so good. The past few years I've noticed some not so good changes. I've always struggled with anxiety, but it's gotten worse recently and my mind has topped a slight depression on top of an already difficult struggle. If you've never had one, an anxiety attack feels a lot like an invasion.

You're sitting there partaking in a normal activity and out of nowhere, you begin to repeat over and over again a thought that begins to make you sicker and sicker. After hundreds of these attacks, you can pinpoint the exact second your heart rate goes from resting to panic. Your palms begin to sweat and your body gets that clammy flu-lile temperature flare up and suddenly that thought is all that exists. 

Anxiety feels like someone has come in, locked you out, pressed the wrong button, and keeps playing the one fleeting thought on repeat where other people are able to think and let go of it immediately. These thoughts play so intensively and drown out any good that you know to be in yourself.

Having anxiety and depression is like being scared and tired at the same time. It's the fear of failure, but no urge to be productive. It's wanting friends, but hate socializing. It's wanting to be alone, but not wanting to be lonely. It's caring about everything then caring about nothing. It's feeling everything at once then felling paralyzingly numb. 

Maybe you're never had one, but just maybe though, you are like me and had to sit in the middle of the cool floor holding an ice pack to your wrist trying to your pulse down below 148. 

So when I see old photos of myself I sometimes feel envy. She had no idea of what was to come. The pain and helplessness of these struggles. She floated through life pretty blissfully ignorant up until now. I tell myself these struggles are fleeting. These struggles have given me a lens to actually see people and to empathize. It's given me an appreciation for all the sweet, little gifts in my daily life and the people in it. I hope and pray that I'm not the same 1, 5, 10, 20 years from now. I hope I'm a better version of myself. I hope to choose to always let the broken things only make me better and never bitter, only more whole.

One Project at a Time.

I finally tackled our linen closet last week and this is a partial view of the before and after.  It's very long and narrow so hard to fit the entire thing in one picture.  After a lot of searching, I found the baskets and crates at Michael's.  I got these gray crates from the floral section.  I had (and continue to have) trouble finding baskets or crates in a distressed gray and height that I like.  So I was happy to snag the last two they had in the store.  As you might have read in previous posts, I've been on an organizing kick the past couple of months and I'm trying to take it one project at a time so I don't become overwhelmed on top of everything else going on with the wedding, school, work, and so forth. 

Since I'm also in the beginning stages of organizing our home, I'm trying to find systems that work for us.  I first had to sort everything (which I hate).  I'm what you would call a Level One hoarder and I'm sometimes afraid to throw things away in the off chance I might need that particular thing(s) in the future.  So sorting makes my anxiety rear its ugly head.  So believe me when I say, I understand it's not easy to take the time to go through all of the items in your linen closet (or closet... which I will also be tackling in the near future) but it is so worth it. 

Plus an added bonus is how calming it feels now to open up the linen closet and not be overwhelmed with all of our stuff/crap/whatever you want to call it.  


Until next time...

my best friend's wedding.

1. Hair and makeup: check.
2. Before.
3. Getting her ready.
4. After.
5. Silly Sarah Bug.
6. Limo Selfie.
7. Happy Bride.
8. Loved the lighting in the church.
9. The back of her dress is my favorite part.
10. Me and the bride-to-be.
11. I don't know why I leaned in. Ha.
12. Flower crown for the flower girl.
13. Sweet pic of mom and daughter.
14. Practice makes perfect.
15. Trying to get her attention.
16. Such a beautiful bride.
17. We're ready to celebrate Mr. and Mrs. Cradeur.
18. Love.
19. Candid moment.
20. Our turn next!


Last month was my best friend's wedding and I cannot believe how quickly it came and went.  I know people say that a lot, especially when you're part of the wedding.  I've been a busy little bee myself, planning our wedding for this upcoming October.  I cannot even tell you the range of emotions that comes with this task.  I felt a lot of the same emotions for Sarah.  So much excitement, butterflies and stress all rolled into one.  I'm so happy though that Sarah and Blake found each other and that I got to be a small part of their special day.


Until next time...

all you need is less.

I'm trying my hand at mastering the art of simplicity. I'm either having a mid-life crisis, been meditating about life, in a different season of my life, or all of the above, but it feels good to simplify. You probably remember my post a couple of months ago about collecting moments, not things and how we tackled our storage unit. Well now we're getting to those closets. Purging what's been sitting in our closets and storage and selling them has been very therapeutic and fun. Plus, I love seeing people's organizing tips on Instagram. With 151 days to the wedding, I'm attempting to make my life as easy as possibly with disposing of clutter... in all shapes and sizes. 

Clutter is not only your physical belonging. It's old ideas, toxic relationships and bad habits. Clutter is anything that does not support your better self. 

So let go of the clutter you are holding onto... your mind will thank you for it. 



Until next time...